My Leaves Changed (Again)

Sometimes, Fall can happen in the middle of Spring. Mother Nature isn’t the only one with seasons. Sometime around sixteen or so, I started to see my life in terms of seasons. Not necessarily lining up with the seasons of nature, but in the same way that they are inevitable. No matter what I did, another one would come and then another and another. It was my way of learning to accept change and to accept my own changing body and mind.

The hardest part about change is not your own personal resistance though. The hardest part is the reactions of those you love and those you’re surrounded with. When you love someone, it’s hard to see them change, especially if it’s not in the same way you’re changing. The one thing I know about life undoubtedly is that we are not all on the same path, and I think that’s a really important realization for us to come to. A lot of our political, social, moral, and financial problems tend to come from the fact that we think what’s best for us is what’s best for everyone. We are so passionate about our beliefs and our experiences that we’re sure it’s the best way, but that’s not always true.

Recently, my husband and I made a very difficult decision to move back to the state we met in. For a bit of background, my family is in Georgia and his is in Arkansas. It’s about a 13 hour drive or so. I moved to Arkansas at 18, met him, and we moved to Georgia about a year and a half later. Anyways, we made the decision to move back to Arkansas after 3 years in GA. It was a decision that was very personal for us and wasn’t understood by those around us. We heard a lot of “I don’t understand” or “that’s not what’s best.” The thing is that now that it’s blown over some I can see that these weren’t said to hurt me. They were said because that’s truly their opinion. Of course they can’t understand. As much as we sometimes want to, we can’t put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. It’s not a decision they would have made, but it’s a decision that I needed to make, and I made the right decision for myself.

Change will come, over and over and over again. It’s inevitable, but we can control how we respond to change. We can be more open and accepting. We can try our best to remove ourselves from the situation and try to see that maybe we aren’t meant to understand.

The greatest lesson that I learned from this change is that I can plan my little heart out, but I’m no psychic. I can’t predict the future. I’m not saying that I’m not in control, because I believe that we are all in control of our own lives, but what I’m saying is that I can’t necessarily see the impact that a decision I make today will have in 5 years or ever 10 years. Never say never.

 

Just as sure as the leaves will change color in the Fall, my leaves will change again too.

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