My Choices Are Not About You

I wrote a blog post a few months back about how my choice to elope wasn’t about anyone else. This one is a more generalized version in a way. I was talking with a friend of mine recently about how I want to work to be a better wife. I want to cook more, do better at cleaning, and be a little more modest. She was surprised by my words and maybe a bit offended, but here’s the most important sentence in this blog: My choices are not a reflection of you, and they don’t say anything about how I feel about you.

Let me explain. We each have a different path in life, I think that’s pretty universally agreed upon at this point. If not, you should probably jump ship now because I operate under that motto. Anyways, because we have a different path, my choices can’t be your choices, and I don’t expect them to be. A wise woman once told me that just because she likes chocolate ice cream doesn’t mean I have to like it and I definitely don’t have to eat it but I also can’t force her to eat my butter pecan ice cream if she doesn’t like it (thanks mom). Just because I choose to wear clothes that cover a bit more of my body doesn’t mean that I think you should. You should wear whatever lines up with who you want to be in life or whatever makes you comfortable. I’m not dressing in the way that I think everyone should dress, I’m just dressing in the way that works for me.

The problem with society as a whole today is that at some point, we deluded ourselves into thinking that our opinions and choices are the best for everyone. The thing is that not a single person on this planet can tell another person what’s best for them. That’s the best and the worst thing about being an adult. You’re completely responsible for your own happiness. Life doesn’t happen to you, you happen to life, and you create your own outcomes through the choices you make.

So, my choice to be a better wife says nothing about you. It just says that I want to work on myself and become better than I currently am, and honestly, if you can’t support that, then we can’t really be friends. What’s the point in friendship if we aren’t supporting each other’s goals?

Another point I want to express is that just because I want to be a better wife doesn’t mean I want to be a worse employee at work. There is such a thing as balance. I can, in fact, do as many of the things I wish at one time as long as time allows for it. I can go to work and be an awesome employee, and I can also come home and be a fantastic wife. Time management is an important skill, and if you don’t have it yet, that’s okay but you should work on learning it.

There are no set definitions on who people should be and the generalized terms we like to use such as feminine, modest, introvert, fat, etc don’t really mean anything unless we want them to. You are the only person who can make decisions about what’s best for you, and you’re the only person who can define who you are and who you want to be.

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