Fighting Chaos

I crave stillness. I’m one of those people who can sit still for hours reading or writing. It’s what I’m passionate about and it’s how I feel still. Life sometimes demands chaos though. It comes in a lot of different forms – clutter, busyness, work, social lives, mental, etc. Generationally speaking, busyness became an admirable trait that we seem to idealize. We like to say how busy we are and let people use that to measure our success. I think we’re in a generation that feels the need to compete, when all we really need to do is learn to compliment each other.

My husband and I both are perfectionists, especially in the sense that we naturally strive for more. This can be a good thing, as it is in our weight loss journey. However, at some point, you have to also learn to be content. One day, we’re going to reach that elusive goal weight and it must be good enough. One day, we’re going to get a promotion or raise that needs to be good enough. One day, we’re going to buy a house and permanently settle, and that has to be good enough. But it’s not that simple. When you have that natural drive to be more and do more, you have to actively work to quash that drive when it’s not helpful.

I moved a lot throughout middle and high school. I got used to changing my scenery every year or so, sometimes more often. That habit stuck with me into my early years of becoming an adult. At one point, my husband and I sat down and had to have a serious conversation about staying in one place for more than 6 months at a time. We stayed in that house for 2 years and only then moved to the same apartment, just on the ground floor. It’s a conversation we tend to repeat anytime we have the itch. It doesn’t go away just because you learn to stay put. It’s a trait that our parents generation taught us. See, I think generations are cyclical in the sense that one generation has to raise the next and therefore has a direct and distinct impact on the traits that generation develops. My parents, in particular, are very career driven and have been for most of my life. They are also extremely successful, but they were (and are) busy. Busy became a sign of success, whereas when they were kids, some of them only had one parent working at all. Things have changed a lot in the last 40-60 years, as they tend to do. The point is that generations create trends, and then those trends help develop the trends of the next generation and so on and so forth.

This post isn’t me encouraging you to do something specific. If anything, it’s a reminder to myself to be still. To not rush through each phase of my life. I admire my parents for their success, but I want a different kind. I want the still kind of success. I don’t want to rush from one moment to the next and climb a proverbial ladder. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to do that, but it’s not for me. I want to practice and perfect contentedness. I want my kids to say that I savored their moments, and I didn’t rush from a meeting to their event, constantly juggling a million plates so that one is bound to crash.

I don’t think I’m meant to juggle, I think I’m meant to be still.

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