It’s Not About You

3 years ago, I called off my traditional, large wedding. We had all the details planned out. I had bought the dress, ordered the cake, sent out invitations, etc. I had checked each item off of a pretty little checklist and felt numb. If we’re being honest, it felt like I was watching a movie of these things happening. Then, my future husband and I received an opportunity to move 15 hours away. It was a move we desperately needed to make, even if we didn’t totally understand that back then.

So, we called the wedding off. Had a yard sale, and then packed up our belongings. All within the same week, which happened to be just 1 week before the wedding date. We packed both of our cars and a trailer, and we headed off to start over in a new state. Had someone asked me for a specific reason why this was important or why it would change things, I wouldn’t have been able to give them an answer. To a lot of our family and friends, it looked like we were running away. The reality was though that we were just coming home.

My husband hadn’t traveled much when we met. He’d been to 3 states, one of which he lived in his whole life and the other 2 touched that state. It’s hard to explain what moving does to you emotionally. All I can say is my husband struggled, hard. We still wanted to be married of course, so we eloped in December.

Let me give you some insight from my experience. When someone tells you that they have eloped, they didn’t do it to hurt you. They did it for themselves. I’m not and have never been one of those girls who had a dream wedding. I don’t enjoy being in the spotlight, and would likely have a panic attack trying to say vows in front of a hundred people or more. I needed my ceremony to be small, intimate, and to represent our relationship and our commitment. The fact that my husband not only agreed with this but needed the same was just one more piece of the puzzle falling into place in our lives together. I can’t tell you how many hurtful comments I got in the aftermath though. Some will say it was selfish of me to take this away from my family, but I disagree. My union to my husband wasn’t for my family. It was for 3 people only – myself, my husband, and God. That’s it. Those are the only people that I needed to serve well with my wedding.

I say all of this to come to a more important point though. When people make decisions in their lives, they generally aren’t doing it to spite you or hurt you. They’re doing it to make themselves happy, and if you love and care about them, you’ll support those things that make them happy.


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