Marriage is hard. Harder than I believed people said it was. Logically, I knew that there would be challenges, just as there had been when we were dating, but I didn’t think it would get worse.
The challenge is that you get older. You both get older and as you do, you change a lot. My mom has told me since I was young that 18-25 are some of the hardest years of your life simply because you change so much. I decided getting married at 20 would just make that better, and trust me, I don’t regret it. That does not change how difficult it can be.
My husband and I are now 23 and 22, respectively. We’ve been married for almost 2 years, and you can ask either of us and we will quickly tell you that they’ve been the 2 hardest years of our lives. They’ve also been some of the most eye opening. We’ve grown and we’ve fallen more in love. We’ve gone through job losses, financial hardship, a 14 hour move away from his family and all of our first memories, and several other issues I’m sure I’m forgetting.
My point is that there have been times where it would absolutely have been easier to give up. There have also been times where I have disagreed with the path my husband wanted to take. For instance, we just took a leap of faith for him to pursue a career dream of his and leave what he’s been doing for years. I have been in support of this for at least a year, but he wasn’t ready. More importantly, God wasn’t ready. So, I had to wait.
The hardest part about that wait? Watching him suffer. Over and over again, he accepted jobs that we both knew wouldn’t make him happy but we hoped anyways. Every time, something would go wrong, we would entertain the idea of him pursuing the dream he now is, and decide against it. We were scared.
The problem with being scared is that you avoid the one thing that’s going to make you happy. I supported my husband through every job even when I knew it wasn’t the right place for him to be because until he was ready, there wasn’t anything I could do. Part of being a spouse is supporting the other regardless of your own personal goals or beliefs. Marriage is often about putting yourself aside in favor of the other person. That’s been the biggest lesson I’ve learned so far. It’s not about me. It’s about what’s best for him and then what’s best for us. What can I do that makes our marriage better? Support him is almost always my answer.