You know, my sister calls you our sperm donor. This letter isn’t meant to hurt you, but for a long time, I haven’t been able to say anything about you, much less to you. I get that you and my mom weren’t meant to be together, but in no way did that mean that you were relieved of your duties as a parent. What if my mom had never met my step dad? I thank God every day that she did. He adopted us because you failed to be a part of our lives. Everyone can say what they want about how it all went down, but I know my mom, and I know that she would have absolutely let you be a parent had you wanted to and put in the effort.
Anyways, I think part of moving on is addressing the things that hurt you in the past, and this is one of those. I used to hate when people said I look like you or have your expressions. Mainly because you would never know that about me. I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt. It hurt a lot but I was lucky in the fact that I had someone who wanted to be my dad so much that he paid a large amount of money just so that we could have the same last name. So that legally he would be my dad. I used to cry and not understand what it was about me that you didn’t like. That’s the effect that leaving has on a young child. They don’t get that it’s not about them until they get older.
That’s the problem with one parent being able to leave a child. You can’t prevent or protect the child from the damage that does. I went through so many emotions and I’m finally at the acceptance/indifference stage of it all. I wouldn’t trade how it happened because I definitely want to keep the dad I was gifted through this. However, just know that it’s never okay to leave your child. There’s a never a good enough reason to not fight for them.
I’m one of the lucky ones who got to still have a father, and an amazing one at that. But the main reason I’m writing this post is because so many don’t get that chance. They lose their father figure and grow up without one. Or the father figure is intermittently in their life. We need to stand up and say that it’s not okay to be raised by one parent. I strongly admire single parents; my husband was raised by one for a large portion of his life. However, time after time it shows to create a lacking somewhere in that child’s life. So, I’m standing up to tell every parent in the world that it is never okay to give up or leave your child, regardless of the circumstance. Yes, I’m glad that my birth father let my true father raise me because lord knows I got the better end of that stick, but it doesn’t change the fact that he shouldn’t have been able to give up so easily. He shouldn’t have been able to walk away from us in the first place. In so many cases, it’s not for the best for the father to walk away.
Anyways, I want to thank you for signing the adoption papers, birth father. It changed my life for the better. And to my tried and true dad, thank you for stepping up. Thank you for being a father when you had no obligation to. Thank you for loving mom the way that you do and teaching us to never accept less than what we deserve. Thank you for loving our muffin tops and not understanding why muffins could ever be a bad thing.